It has been a while since I took the streets. OK that's a blatant lie (with a straight face too). But it sounds far better than it's been a while since I wrote anything. Which essentially is also fibs because I am constantly writing. Writing nonsense on Facebook, writing silly messages on skype and sending ridiculous late night text-tweets. I occasionally write for Getaway too. So there!
Being a month later, it's all too much to catch up on now and I know your attention span is less than a fat kid in a candy store. So I will keep it basic by not regaling you with my usual tales from my chaotic social life. I will simply tell you about a few things I have learnt over the past few weeks. Many things in life come with a lesson, you meet people for a reason and nothing is random. Deep huh! You better believe it.
Here they are, some deep, most not. Because if you get too deep, you could drown.
- Monday and Tuesday have been declared the new Saturday and Sunday. Choosing to go to work on Wednesday is optional.
- Enter competitions, you may just win one.
- You never know where a night out will take you. Especially if it's a "school night".
- If they say "cook for 15 minutes" on a packet of Jasmine rice, they mean it.
- People who have nothing are often the most giving.
- Approach a new relationship with passion and give it your all. But don't hang about if you are being strung along. If someone is into you, they don't play games and make things complicated.
- The couch loves company and has abandoment issues too.
- Sometimes those that seem happy all the time are not always so. Faking it doesn't just belong to the bedroom.
- Same goes for relationships that seem blissfully perfect. You never really know what goes on behind closed doors.
- Dishes do not wash themselves. They WILL be there in the morning. And the morning after that. And the following evening. Ignoring them is futile.
- When a puppy poos on your carpet, he will reverse and walk into it. Leaving poo paw prints everywhere. Guaranteed.
- I really shouldn't say this, but chocolate vodka could just be the new tequila. Ok, perhaps not. But definitely the new nightcap.
- Texts From Last Night is possibly the best website ever created.
- Nobody loves you more than your dog. They make good hot water bottles too.
- On a distraction level, Skype is worse than Facebook.
- I definitely have AADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder).
- Some routines are important. Especially simple ones like going for a walk every morning and having a cup of tea under the stars before going to bed. They keep you grounded.
- Air hugs and a kiss on each cheek do not fly with me. That's as fake as you can get. If you like me, hug and kiss me properly. Otherwise don't bother. Unless you are my PR agent.
- You wanted to know, so here it is... 90 cases of Black Label on Student Night at Mercury. That's over 2 000 Black Labels in one night. Woah!! (Read more in September's issue of LMG magazine.)
- Old friends are actually the best friends you can have. They know you, understand you and love you. Keep in touch with them.
- People in the world as a whole are getting pissed off and starting to show it. It's only a matter of time before the whole thing explodes.
- If you get caught in the rain, there is a high possibility that you will discover you have a hole in your shoe.
- If you are running late (in my life, make that when), there will always be a queue at the till. Or the cashier will be opening up little pesky bags of coins. Reeeaaally slowwwwlyyy.
- R100 is not going to cut it for a night out. You will discover this after your first tequila and two beers within an hour .
- Fracking is going to do damage. Serious damage. Stop supporting Shell.
- Prozac helps pets too.
- Primeval is completely addictive. It's so realistic and believable I have found myself peering around the shelves in Pick n' Pay expecting to come face to face with a T-Rex.
- Be grateful for what you have. If a begger who has been given somebody's scraps can bow his head and say a prayer of thanks, so can you.
- If you are a bystander at LMG's Pub Quiz and not actually competing, you WILL know the answers to the jackpot questions.
- There is no meaning to life. So stop searching for it and simply make your life meaningful.
- A toasted chicken mayo sandwich from Wimpy is definitely yum. But for R20 extra you can buy a whole cooked chicken, a loaf of bread and make chicken mayo sandwiches for a week.
- The All Blacks do occasionally lose a match.
- There is no such thing as one drink. Ever. Even if you only have R100.
Found that enlightening? Helped you in any way? Need a chat? Want to know more?
Meet me at the bar and buy me a chocolate vodka. I have all the time in the world...
