Thursday is the new Friday

Lately I seem to have taken the term "phuza Thursday" to a new level. No longer happy to keep revelries to the weekend only, I now seem to be challenging the "school night" system. And my liver.

St Patrick's Day - THURSDAY 17 March

If there is one day of the year when you simply have to have a Guinness, this is it. No excuses. Have a half pint if you must, but don't you dare not raise a glass of the black stuff and toast the wonderful Irish.

At Perseverence Tavern I toasted the Irish no less than 5 times. I also toasted my friends, the barman, myself, and people I didn't know.

I woke up on Friday morning after 2 hours sleep and discovered a neat line of Guinness glass tattoos trailing up my left arm as proof that I had indeed consumed that amount of said beverage. I love the Irish and Guinness loves me.

I also found a sms that I sent at 2am from the Shack saying "Sod the Irish, it's the Russians. Chocolate vodkas rock!".

Seen as the Irish are so wonderful, as is their Guinness, I blamed my raging hangover squarely on the Russians.

Because We Can Day - THURSDAY 24 March

I really should know my drinking habits well by now. But apparently I don't.

"Let's have a drink after work at the Fat Cactus" was where it all started. After a few tequila shots I likened ladelling Margarita's to being in a tequila soup kitchen. Nice! Then it was to Mom Friend where I was invited to stay for a braai, but declined. I did not decline the glass of wine. Then to Goth Friend for our usual Thursday night girly get-together. This was the dinner stop for the evening and a good one it was too. Butternut ravioli and couscous. I think. With White Russians to wash it down (that I definitely remember). Not satisfied with my pub crawl so far, I decided gatecrashing The Monster's dinner party was a really good idea. After all, one gets full of good ideas after a few drinks. I arrived at his gate at 11pm and crawled out close to 2am.

Today I have had 3 Panado's for breakfast, a toasted sandwich and creme soda for tea and McDonalds for lunch..



As for next Thursday? I have been invited to the launch of Silver Patron tequila. Fitting huh? There's clearly no stopping me now...

In fact I am doing so well I think I will ask 5FM to send me a Phuza Thursday shirt - I reckon I have earned it.

What we can learn from dogs

Seen as I am avoiding the man-list (yes, yes, I will get to it!) and I have just read Monster's moaning blog wherein he has decided in his next life he wants to be a dog, I have decided to remind everyone about what we can learn from dogs.

I think some of it is worth noting - there are so many reasons people love their dog(s) with all their heart. Even if they are slipper-sized, have smelly breath and bite your feet when you come through the door.


Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Roadtripping is the most awesome fun. Or even a drive to the beach. Switch that telly off and go explore!


Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
Learn to appreciate the simple joys in life. They often don't cost you anything either.


When loved ones come home, run to greet them.
Ok, perhaps you don't have to RUN and greet them. But enthusiasm for seeing them goes a long way.


When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Sometimes you have to obey the rules. Not something I am fond of. But I have learnt that you need to know when you can break the rules and when you shouldn't. Even if you know you won't always get a biscuit for good behaviour.


Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
When people upset you or "get in your space", let them know. If they don't know that you don't like what you're doing, then how they going to learn?


Take naps and stretch before rising.
Aha! My personal favourite. I am a firm believer in naps (especially inbetween parties).


Run, romp and play daily.
I am not sure about the running part, but any exercise is better than none. Playing is very important (coinage does not count) and if you can get a romp in every day, lucky you!


Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
No-one likes a picky eater. Food is to be enjoyed. So eat dammit! And enjoy it!


Be loyal.
And not just loyal to your rugby team or football team. Be loyal to your friends and your family. Without them you would be nothing.


Never pretend to be something you're not.
You going to get found out in the end anyway. No-one likes a fake. The only time you could get away with this is if you are a government spy.


If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
If you want something, go out and get it. And don't give up until you have given it your best shot. Stalking may be considered going overboard.


When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Sometimes people don't want to discuss something. They just want you to be there for them. Be aware of that. Besides, you may not have the right answers anyway.



Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Most people  love attention. And everyone loves affection (even if they pretend they don't).



Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
I have discovered that people tend to switch off when you start shouting anyway.


On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
Couldn't agree more. Except I would change the water part.


When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
I am a huge fan of dancing in the lounge.


When you are scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout, run back and make friends.
No one likes a sulker. Apologise if need be and get on with it. We all make mistakes and we have all upset someone along the way.


Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Walk more and drive less. You will be amazed at what you'll notice and discover in your own neighbourhood. It costs nothing and you will also be helping to save the environment.


Remember, a dog wags its tail with its heart.
If a dog likes you, it will let you know. So let people know how you feel. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

Va va Vortex .. sorry ... Ra Ra Ramfest!

This time last week I was hauling out the tent, packing the the sunblock and charging my camera. I was also searching for my leather wristbands and liquid eyeliner in order to look the part for the heavy metal rock festival of the year. As a newbie to this festival I figured I had to look the part so I could blend in with the metalheads and the emo's. Turns out I should rather have taken fluorescent armbands, a stash of pills and a set of earplugs.

It took me almost three hours to get to Nekkies (that does not include the time it took me to pack up the car and go to the booze shop), when it should have taken about an hour. Thanks to an accident just outside Paarl, I was made to sit in my car for almost an hour, without air conditioning. I decided to pull over and do what I do best, text people random smses. I was so engrossed that eventually a towtruck came to ask me if I needed towing. If that wasn't testing enough, there was another traffic jam in Rawsonville and I also got pulled over by the police. Suprise! They downright love me - I am sure one is going to ask me for a date soon. So by the time I actually made it to Ramfest I was hot and bothered and a little irritated. I am not nice when I am irritated and now I had the task of finding my friends' camping spot. Rockstar Friend was the poor bugger who answered his phone and I am suprised he is still talking to me. Luckily I spotted Blog Monster weaving his way through the tents whilst quaffing beer so got him to show me the way to the campsite and drank the rest of his beer.

Eventually, there I was, happily surrounded by good friends with a cold beverage in hand. The tent was up, the sun was setting and the view of mountains breathtaking. Then the faint sounds of "doef doef doef" started. What?! Surely I should be hearing screeching guitars, pounding drums and the roar of doooooooom. Panic set in for a second. Were we at the right festival? Had I been hoodwinked into going to a Vortex? Then I realised that the girl that just walked past was actually a dude, with eyeliner. Ahhh, phew. Emo's. I was definitely at Ramfest.

The rest of the weekend was a rocking affair, where I managed to fight with the backstage bouncers yet again, saw a whole lot of overpaid white trash on the stage, drank copius amounts of vodka in the heat and performed an impromptu strip show in the pool. For my first Ramfest I had a pretty awesome time, despite the presence of a pyramid that should not have been there. Would I recommend it? Definitely. Will I go back next year? Hell yeah! But next time I will be prepared with the right goodies and correct attire...


Memorable/Flashback moments:

• Asking for directions to the bar and being told, "It's over there. Just follow the light".
  
  
• Camping right next to Nekkies Kafee. What a great spot - unlimited supply of ice and cigarettes right on the doorstep.
  
  
• Seeing Die Antwoord perform live for the first time and with special guest appearance by my old favourite, Jack Parow. I have never seen so much overpaid white trash on a stage in one go.
  
  
• Having vodka and granadilla juice for breakfast. They say fruit juice is good for breakfast.
  
  
• Getting my friends to teach me to roar "dooooooooooooooooommmmm". Apparently the more drunk you get, the better you get at it. I practically had no voice by Sunday.
  
  
• Screaming at a bouncer, demanding to be allowed to take photos as I had the coveted Photogapher's Pass. Turns out I was effectively trying to get backstage (again). The photographer's entrance was on the other side of the stage.
  
  
• Taking photos of the people at Ramfest. Everyone was there, from policewomen to Axl Rose to drug dealers. And me.
  
  
• Doing a impromptu boob flash in the pool. There is apparently a reason why they have "no diving" signs. There were trails of eyeliner in the water from the emo's tears.
  
  
• Water sprayers in the bar tent. Pure heaven. I want some for my garden.
  
  
• Discovering the raised platform/bar in front of the stage. The best place to be. Cold beers, water sprayers and a great view of the main stage.
  
  
• Taking a full bag of clothing and cosmetics. I wore my "retro white trash" outfit for almost the entirety of the festival and didn't shower once.
  
  
• Watching the antics of one of our crew who arrived back at camp at 10am on Sunday morning. He'd been at the electronic pyramid since 3am that morning. All he could say was "party party party" and "I'm so waaaasttteed". Apparently it took him until Thursday to recover.
  

Lowlights:

• Ramfest stands for Real Alternative Music Festival (or Rock and Metal Festival) apparently. Wtf is an "electronic pyramid" doing there?
  
  
• Said "electronic pyramid" being the first thing I got sandblasted with when I went down to the arena. I am going to say this again - electronic tents go home. This is a rock and metal festival. If I wanted to go to Vortex or Alien Safari I would. But perhaps I should, with all this music cross-pollination I may find a rock tent there.
  
  
• Waking up at 8am in the morning hearing that pyramid and thinking I was at Vortex. OK, I will leave it alone now. You get the message.
  
  
• I never made it to the river. It was just too far and it was too hot. I suggest they build a giant foefie slide to help us all get there next time.
  
  
• Being knocked over by a very hefty man who jumped over the barricade to get to the stage. And it wasn't me or Yolande Visser he was after, it was Francois Van Coke.
  
  
• Not having a tequila with my good friend Blog Monster. After he told everyone it was "sacrilege not to have a tequila with the Tequila Tart". Poor show indeed!

If you would like to read Blog Monster's version of the weekend, read it here.

He is also looking for the perfect woman.  Find out more here.

Music awards and corset fails

The weekend has been and gone and I still haven't blogged about it. And now it is almost the next weekend. But then again I still haven't done my "man list" either which is months outstanding. I should probably do this list before Ramfest lest I make some bad choices, but I can always go into drunk denial.

So this is how it went down... 

Friday:

• Free drinks at work
  Free drinks are not to be scoffed at. This is an event I just cannot miss. Although I really, really should.
  
  
• Drinks at Banana Jam
  Nice place with pleasant company. I was having a great time, but apparently I got out of hand, literally. Brainy Friend told me on Monday that I constantly want to touch him when we go out and I get drunk. I am not sure if prodding someone in the ribs to get my point across is considered flirting and it makes him nervous, but so be it. I am a touchy-feely person. And a notorious flirt. But I have made a note to sit on my hands next time. Which means I will have to drink my Savanna with a straw. Which means I will get more drunk and no doubt more out of "hand".
  
  
• Birthday bash at Decodance
  I was somewhat sceptical about this one as it was almost 1am when I got there and it's a long drive these days since Deco moved to Sea Point. But if I say I will be somewhere, I generally pitch up. Even if it's late (another thing I got into trouble for on the weekend). Needless to say the birthday girl was tickets by the time I got there and fluctuated between being wild and being morose. She spent a lot of time fighting with an ex, who she ended up going home with. I spent a lot of time on the dance floor and went home alone.

Saturday:

• Design Indaba Expo
  Mom Friend picked me up at 10am and was functioning worse than me. She had quaffed two glasses of wine the night before and wasn't coping well (she's become a lightweight - babies do that to you) and I had quaffed a lot more and had four hours sleep. We made a fine pair, but I still say I was a lot more with it. Design Indaba was great though. Very inspiring and I made some useful contacts for all those things I should be doing instead of going out until the wee hours. Scoffing a pie and knocking back champagne for breakfast was also one of the highlights.
  
  
• MK Music Awards
  I won tickets to this illustrious event and the fact that I can't speak a word of or understand Afrikaans was beside the point. My first ever music awards show! So I took the time to dress up nicely and fetched my Dancing Partner, the Party Partner and his friend. Getting ready for such a rockstar event takes time and the invite said 8pm. So I figured you arrived around 8pm, swanned around looking fabulous whilst pinching rockstar's bums and drinking champagne. Not. Unbeknown to me, the awards were being shown live on telly and started at 8pm on the dot. So we got to the awards late and the lads were fuming. I got to sit next to a girl who screamed at every Afrikaans rockstar that was nominated and gave me strange looks when I asked who the band was. But the organisation was perfect, the lighting fantastic and the performances rock solid. Afrikaans rock solid. My all time favourite, Jack Parow was there too. Looking quite respectable in a suit (but his underwear was still sticking out, I saw it). Prime Circle, Zebra & Giraffe and Van Coke Cartel are some of my faves so I also got to scream with the girl sitting next to me. Die Heuwels Fantasties (don't ask me to pronounce it) ran off with most of the awards (and a car) and Corne and Twakkie entertained the crowds dressed in leathers. The best part was watching one of the "award presenters" in a ridiculous but fabulous white outfit smack her antlers on the exit door, fall backwards and then get pushed through the door by the people behind her. She looked like a drunk rabbit being pushed down a rabbit hole.
  
  
• Fetish Night at Decodance
  After the awards, Party Partner and Party Partner Pal (OK, am not feeling too creative right now) went to search for women and beer at the Assembly after-party while Dancing Partner and myself took ourselves off to Decodance. I was looking forward to all the men in leather, but there was not one to be seen. Oh the disappointment. Not even Corne and Twakkie were there. It was also heaving with people - they say since they've moved their takings have tripled. I am not suprised. I almost emptied it out though. Wild dancing and corsets do not go together it turns out. My corset came adrift and if I hadn't caught it in time I reckon there would have been a stampede for the exit. The best part was getting Dancing Partner to try do it up again. At one stage I thought she would actually pull all the ribboning out and then the rest of the night would have been a topless affair. There were many offers from men to "fix the problem", but luckily a girl came forward who clearly knew what she was doing. She grabbed the ribboning, gave three tugs, asked if I could breath, tied a knot and walked off. "Some people make things look so easy" said a corset-ribbon-baffled Dancing Partner. It made sense later though when she fell over on the dance floor after too many tequila's.

Sunday:

• Monster braai
  Ah, a nice quiet day spent recovering in bed followed by a nice quiet afternoon braai with Monster from the Blog. I should have known better. I rocked home at 1am after getting through large amounts of wine, savanna and White Russians. Somewhere inbetween I remember having some chicken sausage and a potato.

Tomorrow it's Ramfest with Monster from the Blog, a media pass and (thanks to new tyres) no money. I intend on running around with a Tequila Tart Party Fund tin. If I got R1 from each person I could be at least R5 000 richer. Failing that, I will just scare the the EMO kids into giving me their money, their food and their booze. Will let you know how it goes...

Ps .. Take on my good friend's 11 Words for 2011 challenge. Go to Simmelman to check it out. It's a great idea - I will be attempting this at Ramfest after a few tequila's and compare it with my sober ones. If any are the same, I know I am on the right track.

Lots of pretty little boxes.

Zebra & Giraffe making an entrance.

Prime Circle

Prime Circle with fireworks.

Van Coke Kartel going up in flames.

Corne and Twakkie thought they were going to Decodance.

The multi-award-winning Die Heuwels Fantasties