Va va Vortex .. sorry ... Ra Ra Ramfest!

This time last week I was hauling out the tent, packing the the sunblock and charging my camera. I was also searching for my leather wristbands and liquid eyeliner in order to look the part for the heavy metal rock festival of the year. As a newbie to this festival I figured I had to look the part so I could blend in with the metalheads and the emo's. Turns out I should rather have taken fluorescent armbands, a stash of pills and a set of earplugs.

It took me almost three hours to get to Nekkies (that does not include the time it took me to pack up the car and go to the booze shop), when it should have taken about an hour. Thanks to an accident just outside Paarl, I was made to sit in my car for almost an hour, without air conditioning. I decided to pull over and do what I do best, text people random smses. I was so engrossed that eventually a towtruck came to ask me if I needed towing. If that wasn't testing enough, there was another traffic jam in Rawsonville and I also got pulled over by the police. Suprise! They downright love me - I am sure one is going to ask me for a date soon. So by the time I actually made it to Ramfest I was hot and bothered and a little irritated. I am not nice when I am irritated and now I had the task of finding my friends' camping spot. Rockstar Friend was the poor bugger who answered his phone and I am suprised he is still talking to me. Luckily I spotted Blog Monster weaving his way through the tents whilst quaffing beer so got him to show me the way to the campsite and drank the rest of his beer.

Eventually, there I was, happily surrounded by good friends with a cold beverage in hand. The tent was up, the sun was setting and the view of mountains breathtaking. Then the faint sounds of "doef doef doef" started. What?! Surely I should be hearing screeching guitars, pounding drums and the roar of doooooooom. Panic set in for a second. Were we at the right festival? Had I been hoodwinked into going to a Vortex? Then I realised that the girl that just walked past was actually a dude, with eyeliner. Ahhh, phew. Emo's. I was definitely at Ramfest.

The rest of the weekend was a rocking affair, where I managed to fight with the backstage bouncers yet again, saw a whole lot of overpaid white trash on the stage, drank copius amounts of vodka in the heat and performed an impromptu strip show in the pool. For my first Ramfest I had a pretty awesome time, despite the presence of a pyramid that should not have been there. Would I recommend it? Definitely. Will I go back next year? Hell yeah! But next time I will be prepared with the right goodies and correct attire...


Memorable/Flashback moments:

• Asking for directions to the bar and being told, "It's over there. Just follow the light".
  
  
• Camping right next to Nekkies Kafee. What a great spot - unlimited supply of ice and cigarettes right on the doorstep.
  
  
• Seeing Die Antwoord perform live for the first time and with special guest appearance by my old favourite, Jack Parow. I have never seen so much overpaid white trash on a stage in one go.
  
  
• Having vodka and granadilla juice for breakfast. They say fruit juice is good for breakfast.
  
  
• Getting my friends to teach me to roar "dooooooooooooooooommmmm". Apparently the more drunk you get, the better you get at it. I practically had no voice by Sunday.
  
  
• Screaming at a bouncer, demanding to be allowed to take photos as I had the coveted Photogapher's Pass. Turns out I was effectively trying to get backstage (again). The photographer's entrance was on the other side of the stage.
  
  
• Taking photos of the people at Ramfest. Everyone was there, from policewomen to Axl Rose to drug dealers. And me.
  
  
• Doing a impromptu boob flash in the pool. There is apparently a reason why they have "no diving" signs. There were trails of eyeliner in the water from the emo's tears.
  
  
• Water sprayers in the bar tent. Pure heaven. I want some for my garden.
  
  
• Discovering the raised platform/bar in front of the stage. The best place to be. Cold beers, water sprayers and a great view of the main stage.
  
  
• Taking a full bag of clothing and cosmetics. I wore my "retro white trash" outfit for almost the entirety of the festival and didn't shower once.
  
  
• Watching the antics of one of our crew who arrived back at camp at 10am on Sunday morning. He'd been at the electronic pyramid since 3am that morning. All he could say was "party party party" and "I'm so waaaasttteed". Apparently it took him until Thursday to recover.
  

Lowlights:

• Ramfest stands for Real Alternative Music Festival (or Rock and Metal Festival) apparently. Wtf is an "electronic pyramid" doing there?
  
  
• Said "electronic pyramid" being the first thing I got sandblasted with when I went down to the arena. I am going to say this again - electronic tents go home. This is a rock and metal festival. If I wanted to go to Vortex or Alien Safari I would. But perhaps I should, with all this music cross-pollination I may find a rock tent there.
  
  
• Waking up at 8am in the morning hearing that pyramid and thinking I was at Vortex. OK, I will leave it alone now. You get the message.
  
  
• I never made it to the river. It was just too far and it was too hot. I suggest they build a giant foefie slide to help us all get there next time.
  
  
• Being knocked over by a very hefty man who jumped over the barricade to get to the stage. And it wasn't me or Yolande Visser he was after, it was Francois Van Coke.
  
  
• Not having a tequila with my good friend Blog Monster. After he told everyone it was "sacrilege not to have a tequila with the Tequila Tart". Poor show indeed!

If you would like to read Blog Monster's version of the weekend, read it here.

He is also looking for the perfect woman.  Find out more here.