Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Diggin' the township vibes...

Driving to eKasie Backpackers in Khayelitsha was a challenge.  Thankfully they had signs up saying “eKasie” otherwise I would probably still be driving around the township now.  How one is supposed to look for non-existent road names or “the fourth road to the left” whilst dodging potholes, tooting taxis, dogs and soccer playing kids?  I have heard of multi-tasking but that was just pushing it.

Arriving safely at the backpackers I was pleasantly surprised.  More than pleasantly, the place was like a hotel!  Ethnically decorated rooms with names like Soweto and Kwa Mushu awaited, complete with posh linen, hot water bottles and even little soaps! Better than some of the bed-bug infested backpackers I have stayed in overseas.. suitably impressed. Even more impressive than the en-suite bathrooms was the pool table … and bar...

Lunch smelt damn fine and was relieved to find that it actually wasn’t goat.  Rather vetkoek and mince which was gone in a flash.  Turns out my team mates have a better appetite than me.  Which is always comforting. Then it was time for a walking tour of the hood.  On this tour I learnt the following:

  1. Sections are ones with houses.  Eg. B Section, E Section etc. Sites are shacks.  So if you meet someone who says they will take you home to Site C, you going to a shack.  Rather go for someone who lives in a Section.

  2. Those colourful little spaza shops on corners generally belong to Somalians.  Somalians sell their goods much cheaper than other shops and often allow credit. Which is why they are often victims of xenophobia. Local businessmen don’t like to be outdone.

  3. There are licenced shebeens and unlicenced ones. The unlicenced ones are generally found in garages of peoples houses.  All shebeens, licenced or unlicenced are to be treated with caution on a Saturday afternoon.  White women + cameras = tourist bait.

  4. It is generally only women who go to church.  Men would rather go to a shebeen. I am siding with the men on this one.

  5. Funerals are now bigger business than weddings.  People judge each other on the type of funeral they hold for deceased relatives.  Keeping up the Jones’ in the funeral department often involves getting into debt.  Which explains all those funeral insurance ads on daytime telly.

  6. The wooden walkway on Lookout Hill is under attack.  You can no longer walk around it due to the walkway being dismantled for use on houses.  Noticeably they take the ones from the top, not the bottom, thus allowing tourists to get to the top before realizing they cannot go round the other side.

  7. Roadside braai-ing is big business in the townships.  And highly organised too. They even have signs telling you where to queue.  Best chicken I have tasted for a long time. And not a single sighting of Smiley’s and Walkie Talkie Chicken.  I did ask, but apparently we weren’t going to be exposed to that due to the vegetarian in our midst.  I made a note to be nice to the vegetarian (this was after laughing at her getting mauled outside a shebeen). 
After the township excursion it was back to eKasie for the cooking lesson.  I started out enthusiastically, but soon realized there were too many cooks in the kitchen. So opted to grab a Black Label from the bar and watch the rugby instead.  Watching the rugby in Khayelitsha and Springboks actually win a game was a first …


Supper was wolfed down in a flash and then it was off on a shebeen crawl.  Which turned into a visit to Sollies, a local nightclub in Section 20 which was all abuzz with DJs from Metro FM.  The queues were crazy and everyone was all dressed up for the occasion.  If I had’ve known I would have at least packed masacara.  And our boerie rolls pale in comparison to the full scale braai’s lining the street. We can learn something here…

Earlier the rest of the crew, who all had hangovers, weren’t entirely sure how long they would last.  Seemingly a couple of glasses of wine and copius amounts of chicken and Chakalala sorted them all out and they relished making new friends and learning “to dance with their bums” (their words, not mine) to the popular Kwaito tunes.  Whilst they shook their bums and gave out phone numbers and Facebook addresses  I went to the bar to buy cigarettes and another beer.  The barman took the box of cigarettes and opened them to give me one.  Cost of cigarettes – R25.  The look on the barman’s face when I said I wanted the whole box – priceless.

Clubs and shebeens all have to close at midnight in the townships so we got home at a reasonable hour (by my standards) and after a nice cup of tea (just like home), a good night’s sleep was had.

The next morning we awoke to the sound of a lonesome vuvuzela heralding the start of another day in Khayelitsha.  The clouds had cleared and women were putting out the washing.  Ladies were off to church, men awaited the opening of the shebeens and children played soccer whilst dogs scrounged scraps from the braai areas.  As I drove home through the leafy avenues of the southern suburbs I felt as though I had been a part of something quite unique.  A glimpse into a life I had known nothing about.  Lighting one of my cigarettes from the box from Sollies I decided I should organise a weekend at eKasie with my friends.  Let them in on a well-kept secret … townships can be a whole lot of fun..


Does this look like a backpackers to you?
eKasie Backpackers - the brightest building in the street















Fresh fruit and veg on your way home












Lookout Hill - you can only look out so far



Shebeens - always have innovative advertising

We have a lot to learn about neighbourly braai's

A series of fails... and a success...

Fail 1 – lack of blog activity
Possibly due to a high workload, excessive alcohol consumption and roadtrip planning. Those things all take time! Forgive me for living …

Fail 2 - no show at Survivor auditions
Definitely due to excessive alcohol consumption. And it was raining. Call me pathetic, but I figured that standing in the rain for hours with a pounding head and breath that would probably have the judging panel running into the rain was not going to be a good call. Looking back, perhaps I could have eliminated half the queue. Which apparently was so bad they had to run the auditions over 2 days. I know I let everyone down, but to be frank, I am not going to starve for your entertainment and I am worth a lot more than a million rand. Perhaps next year, when I can at least run round the block and don’t drink or smoke. Did I say next year?

But for every fail there is a success. After an almost fail, I did end up going to Khayelitsha for the night on Saturday. Almost fail because, again, it was raining. I might not have had the hangover this time, but rainy townships are not generally fun. So I phoned the Team Leader and got a bollocking for being honest. What I should have said was “I have a hangover, I can’t make it” and probably would have gotten away with it. Especially as Team Leader had one. To cut a long phone call short, I decided to take one for the team and give it my best shot. And I am glad I did…

You can read all about it in the next blog – people suffer from ADD when reading articles online. Apparently.

Friday, August 13, 2010

You can't eat Google

I have been politely reminded by Goth Friend and Camera Crazy Friend that whilst I have brazenly stuck up the “vote for my blog, it’s fabulous” link, I haven’t in fact updated my blog.  Since July.  Gasp!

I will have you know that I haven’t done my man list either.  Or had a tequila. The former because quite frankly I think it is silly and clearly Brainy Friend was just intent on making me feel uncomfortable.  You meet someone, you decide you like them and if they like you back, cool.  Do loads of nice things together and have lots of sex.  Not necessarily in that order.  If they don’t, stalk them until they file a restraining order.  Then find someone else to play with.  Simple.

The latter is because my latest bottle is now being used as a candle holder and no-one has offered to buy me another.  Unlike Goth Friend who managed to get a bottle of whisky delivered to her door by simply putting up a “I have no whisky left, snivel” on her Facebook status.  Perhaps I should give it a go…  After all, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.  I shall test this theory on the weekend by standing in the middle of a bar shouting “I need a drink, can someone please buy me one”.

Talking of that, it’s almost free drinks time, but before I go and get my weekend started, here’s something sobering to think about.  Apparently South Africa is going to run out of food in 10 years time.  “Demand will outstrip supply”.  Yikes, that is in OUR lifetime – and half of you still insist on having children which is just downright inconsiderate.

The funny thing is that I have been bleating on about this for ages.  Everyone is technology-mad and we are so busy Facebooking, tweeting and texting (er, that would be me, ooops) that we are not paying attention to what is important.  We whine when the internet goes down or our email systems crash.  For crying out loud, food people, food.  You cannot eat Google.  Or iPhones and iPads. Or computers or mobile phones.  Even when they eventually churn them out with some sort of taste or smell.


nominate this blog
As someone who loves food (clearly), the mere thought is putting me into a panic and I am currently investigating containerised vegetable gardening.  As well as planning a trip to the Karoo to find a piece of land where I can farm vegetables, milk cows and cultivate the tequila cactus.  Yup, tequila is on its way out too.  It’s all too much!  No food and no tequila = crisis.  Get off Facebook Farmville and start real farming. Now!


Have a rocking weekend – I will be stocking up my bunker with tins and beer (it comes in tins too) and getting my car ready for a Karoo roadtrip.  When I get that farm going you are going to need me.


Oh, I found the picture by searching Google for food.  Go figure … even Google knows there will soon be no food ... aaarrrghhhhh!!!!