So this last weekend was my birthday weekend. An annual celebration of when chaos was introduced to the world. You can be mighty glad that I ate my twin. Imagine if there were TWO of us. Thankfully I had the foresight to realise that it was too early for the world to deal with the apocalypse and took care of matters in the womb. Lucky you!
Now that you are all feeling uncomfortable imagining me devouring my sibling, I will tell you about a very real horror that awaits you all. Hangovers with age.
They really do get worse. And you seemingly need less and less alcohol to get said hangover as the years go on. They (the hangovers) get so unbearable that it reaches a point where you almost swear off liquor. Thankfully (again) I haven’t got there yet. But I have noticed that drinking on a “school night” is slowly becoming a thing of my sordid past. Which is probably why the tequila farm in Graaff-Reinet closed down – but that’s for another story (with a cunning business plan attached to it).
So Birthday Weekend was a blast. The hangovers (note the plural) weren’t. But one shouldn’t dwell on the shitty stuff when there’s so much good stuff happening.
Friday started with sparkling wine at 11am, followed by the weekly “dop system” drinks at work at 4.30pm. Then it was off to Slappy’s house for Friday Supper (we are only allowed to cancel Friday Supper if we have a hot date – so far no cancellations this year which is more scary than the rest of this blog). Then it was off to the new Decodance Underworld in her new red bubble (I say she should call it Nellie because it has an ivory interior, but she's not convinced) where we drank an insane amount of tequila. Or should I say, the Birthday Tart drank an insane amount of tequila. By the way, the new Deco is fantastic. So much so that I am about to send an sms to get on the guestlist again tonight … if they let me in.
Captain I Am Awesome was there and so was Prince One EL and I do remember slurring at YourLMG Mike. Plus a friend of Slappy’s who had blue contact lenses in. Yes I know everyone has those these days, but you look across the bar after your fifth tequila and see a black chick with blue eyes looking back at you and see what a fright you get. But what a fun night – we danced, we drank, we talked kak and terrible photos were taken. At 4am Slappy got me safely home and I am pleased to report that I did not wake up with my pyjamas over my clothes this time. But Slappy did find my box of cigarettes on the back seat the next morning and my lipstick under the passenger seat yesterday. Good times!
I spent most of Saturday applying fake blood, eyeliner and brushing hair out of rockstars’ eyes. Glamorous eh? Nothing is glamorous with a hangover. In fact I felt quite sorry for the lads in The Monster’s band as their “stylist” was probably breathing tequila in their faces while applying eyeliner (no wonder they couldn’t stop twitching) and I probably reeked of post-clubbing smoke as well. Come to think of it, I was probably more rockstar than them. But then I have always said that actually being a rockstar is not half as much fun as living life like one. I will also say that those band members have the best hair and the longest eyelashes I have EVER seen. More sickening than a hangover. Anyhoo, after a day’s hard work where the hotshot photographer dude had the band members posing in derelict buildings and me sloshing through swamps it was time for a few beers at the local hotel which made me feel infinitely better. Needless to say I stayed at home on Saturday night! I did see my birthday in though – I got through the doors of Club Duvet at 12.10am…
Then it was Sunday – Birthday Day! You know you are right in the middle of adulthood when you start your birthday day washing the dishes and picking up dog poo! Things got better though – I was driven in style by Commander Conker, Little Miss Chatterbox and The Monster to Sunday lunch at Dixie’s in Glencairn. My mother said Dixie’s sounded like a cowboy bar – to which I responded that knowing us lot, it would definitely resemble The Wild West in a matter of minutes.
Except it was remarkably civilized. In fact, I thought I had got off lightly when I still felt quite sober after my second Voodoo cocktail at Cape to Cuba at 8pm. But I should’ve known better… The Usual Crew were there and we don’t know where the Home button is on the Party Remote. Not content with the thought of going home at a reasonable hour on a Sunday, we continued the shenanigans at HobNobs in Kenilworth. I think we put the Nigerians to shame. Judging by my second hangover of the weekend I also think it could be the last time I party so hard on a school night. Except next year’s birthday is on a Monday…
Ps. It should be noted that it was my friends who made my birthday so special and I love them all dearly. Without them I would’ve sat at home the whole weekend feeling sorry for my aging self and lamenting the lack of tequila in the freezer. So thank you ALL for the love and the hangovers – you know who you are. xx
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