1. A solo roadtrip from Cape Town to Zimbabwe
A hairbrained scheme that started with taking Christmas puddings and presents to my mum in Harare. After all, Christmas is about family and I hadn’t seen her, or Zimbabwe, for a while. I ended up driving it. On my own. Well, for the most part. I was joined for some of it by one of my favourite old boyfriends. Apart from his incessant need to use GoogleMaps wherever possible instead of a good old-fashioned map book, he made an excellent butler and co-driver. Actually, I think he was quite long-suffering with all my demands and this was made evident by his blunt refusal in Botswana to make me cucumber sandwiches for tea. Colonial much? Me? Never! I had to make do with peanuts and popcorn, but all in all it was an awesome trip that saw me drive 7 800km and had me fall even more in love with Africa. So much so that when I returned I was greeted with a “Look! It’s Mama Africa!”. I am really hoping that name is not due to my rather large and very “African” rear end.
2. Hands on Harvest in Robertson
My first “assignment” of the year, that involved wine, food, brandy, a Red Roman (long story), champagne-making, white hats and more wine. All for free! Again, I love my job. There was also a very posh guesthouse on a very old wine estate where the owner flirted with me unabashedly and I did the same back. Dancing Friend (who came with me on this little jaunt through the winelands) was quite amused with all of this and asked me quietly “Would you ever consider dating someone like him?” Having been a bachelorette practically forever, I was a bit taken aback with this question, mostly because no-one has ever actually suggested I “date” someone. My immediate answer was “No. There is just no way one can shout out the name Willie in the throes of passion without bursting out laughing.” So that was the end of that. Pity about the name though, he’s worth a fortune and the farm is quite beautiful. He's not bad looking either. Which brings me to the next subject. The eagerly-awaited….
3. Man-list
To be honest, I am not quite sure why so many people are interested in reading what I require from any suitor. Men just aren’t that interested in me. It’s true… I have loads of male friends, some of whom I fancy like mad, but no-one actually wants ME. You would think they would, after all I am loads of fun and not one of those clingy girls that hates it when her man goes out with the lads. But perhaps that is what it is right there. Not clingy. Not needy. Men like to be needed. Well here’s the first thing on my man-list, blokes … I don’t actually NEED you. WANT you, yes. But I digress. I do actually have a sort-of man-list taped onto my fridge. It states what I want from you (being you, man) and will form the basis of this man-list that will apparently change my life. So far not so good though. The basic one on the fridge has scared every man right out of my life. And that’s just the male friends.
4. Preparing for my early retirement or more likely, retrenchment
When I got back to the place of my permanent employment we got all sorts of emails from our Chairman saying that we may be taken over by another company (read, lose jobs), along with no salary increases. Yikes, times are tough, but that makes it three years in a row with no salary increase for me. Which is mad. I can barely afford to put fuel in my car to get to work (like everyone else) and moreover, it’s putting strain on my tequila drinking budget. But lack of cash and fear of unemployment also makes one resourceful. I wouldn’t be much good at standing on the street (if I can’t get a normal date, how on earth would I get someone to PAY to shag me) and I have too short a temper to be a waitress, so I had to get creative. So I built my own website showcasing my photography, which launched the other day. It looks very snazzy (I think) and it’s all rather exciting. Except the phone hasn’t rung and the mailbox is empty. Ok, perhaps expecting to be able to retire within 2 days of launching your website is a bit ambitious. But here’s hoping…
All those things, along with various dinners, braai’s, gigs etc. have kept me busy for months. Not to mention that I write for a living as well. Amazing how time flies. But the good news is that I am back. I had forgotten how much fun all this warbling can be. And you know how I love to warble! I have all sorts of interesting topics to soapbox about, including:
- Why are women so smart in the workplace, but so stupid when it comes to men - this includes me.
- Why you should be recycling - and avoiding cling wrap like the plague.
- Why are people still insisting on breeding - especially as they then spend the rest of their lives complaining about their offspring.
- How to avoid hipsters and how to spot one - here's a clue, &Union.
- Why there is no such thing as a free drink - I was reminded the other day that I owe a friend drinks from when he bought me drinks three years ago.
- Seven dates in seven days – this will of course be AFTER I have published the man-list. Lads are going to be queuing at the door dying to show me how they could be the perfect man for me. Not. Ah, the challenge…
Ps. Speaking of which, what HAS happened to Baglett? I miss her. Perhaps I should just attempt to replace her? I wonder if she got free drinks and food and stuff. I shall have to find out…
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