All men are dogs ...

... is actually a lie and merely wishful thinking on men's behalf. In fact, it is an insult to dogs to be compared to men in many ways. I would know, I have two dogs and have had quite a few men! I had to laugh the other day when TDB met Tino (aka The Slipper) when we went visiting Monster and said "So, is this your man?". No, Tino is not my man. He is my dog and nothing like a man.

Here are some reasons I can think of offhand why men are not anything like dogs. 

1. Dogs can lick their own balls
I can safely bet every man out there has tried. And failed. Which of course is is why they require us to do it for them. As frequently as possible.

2. Dogs don't care what time you come home
They always happy to see you. Even if you have been gone for five minutes and especially if you have been out all night.

3. Dogs don't care if you smell of booze and cigarettes when you do get home
In fact quite the opposite. The more you klunk, the more interesting you become. They also don't care if you fling open the front door, trip over the mat onto them and then make them "dance" with you in the lounge. 

4. Dogs love going outdoors with you anytime
It doesn't matter if it's windy or threatening with rain and there's rugby or footie on telly. They also don't mind being on a leash.

5. Dogs are happy eating whatever you give them
Scraps from your plate are even considered a treat and they are content to eat the same thing every day. Dinner is also acceptable any time from 7pm to 4am. 

6. Dogs don't have a problem expressing affection
Even in public. Anywhere will do. They love you and they let you know. And nothing says I love you more than a great big lick on the face. Except if a man did it, it could be considered a little icky. 

7. Dogs miss you when you are gone
Dogs don't run around to all their mates talking of "pink slips" and how they going to drink as much booze and watch as much porn as they can while you are away. They sit quietly and wait expectantly for your return, whilst licking their balls. 

8. Dogs don't play games with you -unless it is a game of "fetch"
And we are not talking about "fetch me a beer" while the game is on. They also don't laugh at how you throw the ball.

9. The worst you get from a dog is fleas or worms
Ok, you could get rabies. But then men can also make us rabid.

10. Dogs love to sleep right next to you
The closer the better, especially when it's cold. Dogs love cuddling. And they don't steal the duvet. Or put cold feet on you in winter. OK, I do admit some snore and many fart. But they don't fart and force your head under the covers. They also easier to kick out of the bed if they do fart.

11. Dogs don't care if you are overweight
In fact they don't care if you are fat or thin, blonde or ginger, have pimples or wrinkles. They also don't complain if you have PMS or a headache.

12. Dogs don't mind if you cry
Crying doesn't have dogs running for the door or feeling uncomfortable. They tend to snuggle in close, letting you know that everything will in fact, be OK. Even if you are being silly and over-sensitive and especially if you are crying over a man.

13. The only time dogs like bitches is when they are on heat
Men love bitches. All the time. Anytime.

14. Dogs don't mind your driving
No complaining about your poor driving skills or the fact that you have taken the long way round. They just love the fact they going for a drive somewhere. Anywhere. In the back seat.

15. Dogs are only around for an average of 15 years
If you marry a man, you could have the old bastard around for a lot longer and he won't be nearly as endearing when he's all tatty and smelly.

And now that we have that cleared up ....

Why men would LIKE to be like dogs

1. They could lick their own balls.
2. Humping anything would be acceptable.
3. Sniffing someone's crotch as a greeting would be standard behaviour.
4. Disliking cats would be the norm.

Simply put, men would like to be dogs because it means they could shag everyone, pee wherever they feel like, get fed without having to cook and spend most of the day sleeping.

Quite frankly even I want to be a dog in my next life! But right now, I shall enjoy spending time with my dogs. Although I have to admit that spending time with a man would be cool too... but he must like dogs, because I can bet his non-wagging hairy arse that he will be nothing like one.

"The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs." - Jeanne-Marie Roland