Sowing the Seeds ... of mayhem ...

8.00am
Wake up with dog breath in my face and eager dog thinking it is a perfect time for a walk. Look at clock and realise I have overslept and should actually be driving to Gordon's Bay.

8.30am
Hit the road with a cup of tea - nothing gets in the way of my morning cuppa. Dog gives disdainful look as I shoot out the door.

8.40am
Tea falls over on passenger seat. On the cigarette box. Realise the day is probably going to go pear.

9.30am
Get to Vuvuzella's house. She is still eating breakfast. I sort through the cigarette box trying to salvage non-tea-covered fags.

9.40am
Hit road back to Cape Town. Vuvuzella burps up said breakfast. Had the smell of bananas all the way back to the Mother City.

10.15am
Decide that I HAVE to get more milk and tea from shop. Worst decision of day.

10.45am
Back at my house to pack for day out. Sunblock, hat, jersey, camera, blanket, water and a hipflask of tequila.

11.00am
Head to the Cape Town station. Pass a dog with an afro and swear at incompetent drivers on road. Especially those adhering to the speed limit.

11.15am
Arrive at station to find entrance to parking closed off. Go long way round.

11.18am
Run through the station in an attempt to catch the 11.20am Daisy Train. Naturally it is leaving from platform 2 and we are at platform 25. Try not to skid on slippery floors. Vuvuzella had damaged her knees the day before so I run/slide ahead shouting "I will hold the train". Because I'm important like that.

11.19am
Arrive at platform 2 to see the party train leave. Suddenly feel most unimportant.

11.25am
Frantic phonecall to The Porksta to see if he can fetch us from Simonstown station. He can.. he rocks!

11.30am
Head outside station and congregate with Vuvuzella and Bob (who also missed the train).

11.35am
Hit the tequila and get acquainted with Bob. Most impressed to hear he has "heard about the infamous Tequila Tart". We are soon joined by Jesus from the Congo who advises us that people have "lost their human".

12.05pm
Board the Simonstown bound train. No free booze trolley on this train. But we did have music. Two sets of blind serenaders.

12.20pm
Finish remainder of tequila with Bob and Vuvuzella. Mixed with quava juice. Tequila Guava.. could be a new drink.

1.05pm
Catch lift with The Porksta and Cookie Man to Scarborough. There were kids everywhere. Vuvuzella was on my lap and I had a baby carseat wedged up my arse.

1.30pm
Arrive at Cape Farmhouse in the howling wind.

1.40pm
Get food and booze vouchers and have our first beer! Yay!!

2.00pm
Go check out the food section. Most impressive. We try a butternut samoosa for starters. Yum!

2.15pm
Time for a tequila.


2.30pm
Time to check out some bands. Jeremy Loops was a firm favourite and Hot Water rocked.

4.00pm
Discover the double vodka and red bull stand.

4.30pm
Boerewors roll is the way to go!

5.00pm
Go get our photos taken in the Airwaves Extreme booth. Epic fail or epic hilarity, depending on how you look at it.


6.00pm
Realise we are not going to get the photo thing right so grab a handful of free chewing gums and head back to main tent which involved clambering over small walls and dodging clumps of fynbos.


6.30pm
Manage to weave (er shove) our way through the crowds to get up front for aKing gig.

7.00pm
Try dispose of sticky chewing gum in empty Hunters bottle. Gum gets stuck to fingers, in hair and on bottle. Make a mental note not to buy that gum. Ever.

7.45pm
Acquire a TITS sticker. Which I proudly stamp inbetween my, er, tits.

8.00pm
Time for another tequila. Bump into Bob who barely recognises us, but buys us a tequila. Bless Bob!

8.15pm
Get a tea-time treat from Cookie Man. Sans the tea.

9.00pm
Thanks to the tea-time treat, drum and base* has never sounded this good.

9.30pm
Feeling hungry. Spend last part of voucher on a lamb pita. The best thing we ate all day.

9.45pm
Get on the bus for us. There is NO way we are missing the train. No sign of Bob.

10.20pm
Bus eventually leaves. It dawns on us that we have spent all our money and we may have to crash through the booms at the station.

10.45pm
Get on the train. Most disappointed at lack of free booze that was promised and concerned at the amount of police officers. They constantly stalk me. It is starting to become a problem.

11.30pm
The car guard is being difficult. He wants R60 and is refusing to lift the boom. I cannot find my parking ticket and have R10.

11.35pm
Bribe car guard with the R10 and he allows us through. Wave at the disgruntled festival-goers behind us and leave. Damn I love being a tart! And music festivals...

* Although I love music, clearly my knowledge is utterly crap. BASS people .. my apologies. And apologies to the person who pointed this error out - especially as I thought you were a BASS player! Another error on my behalf... Yikes...