Oh the rapture...

I knew it was going to be a good weekend when everyone started raving on about The Rapture. Rapture? What the hell? Er, perhaps hell is the wrong word to use here.

According to a religious freak (namely one Harold Camping), The Rapture was going to happen on Saturday 21 May. Before you could say ten Hail Mary's (or have ten Bloody Mary's), Facebook and emails were full of enlightening and often amusing information on this doomsday event. Fanatical Christians in the States (WHY is it ALWAYS America?) were closing bank accounts, going on wild spending sprees and gathering in groups to await their moment of glory when they would be sucked up into the sky to meet their Maker. Minivans and billboards were everywhere with messages proclaiming the end of the world (as we know it, la la, di da).

Then, my personal favourite - After The Rapture Pet Care. Complete with video showing your precious fuzzy friend watching you disappear into the sky with dramatic classical music background. I love it!! Believers could sign up for a non-believer to take care of their pet after The Rapture for a small US$10 deposit into a PayPal account. I wonder if refunds are being demanded? Actually, I am wondering more why I never come up with schemes like this?  I have to admit that I almost signed up as a volunteer, but just so I could get the t-shirt saying "After The Rapture pet caregiver". I figured it could earn me points when trying to find food in the wasteland I was going to be roaming about in. "I need food. But it's not for me. It's for the 20 dogs and 15 cats I have volunteeringly rescued". Cunning plan I like to think.

But more importantly, when exactly was this going to happen? Well, at one point all hell was going to break loose at 6pm in your country of residence. I made a mental note to phone my cousins in Australia at 9am that morning to find out if they were being raptured and more importantly, what was the zombie contingency plan. Then it became 3pm globally. 3pm came and went and I was dismally sitting at my desk doing some work. Definitely not a fun or tarty way to go and since then I have decided not to spend so much time behind a computer and more time having fun and being tarty.  But clearly our clocks are not set to the same time as God's clocks because again, nothing happened. All downright boring if you ask me. Almost as boring as being in front of a computer. Which is why I am going home soon...

Anyway, for me the only Rapture I knew about before Thursday was the song by Siouxsie & the Banshees. Which of course was quite fitting in light of the fact that I was off to a goth party on the Saturday to celebrate World Goth Day. Again, how convenient that World Goth Day fell on the day we were all going to be sucked into the pitfire of hell. On top of that, the location was changed at the last minute and the thought crossed my mind for a second that this too was done on purpose. Perhaps the Voom Voom Club (previously Bang Bang Club - c'mon, how creative are these people?) was in fact a portal straight into Satan's chamber. Who knows, but I already had my game plan sorted. I was going to go in disguise as an angel and offer redemption to anyone who bought me a tequila. Turns out I couldn't find my wings (why does that not suprise me) and decided to go in camouflage instead. If I too was clad from head to toe in black like everyone else, then I would probably get missed when it was time for judgements to be handed out. Being short can have its advantages.

As it happens, I fitted in quite well and the only thing that was being handed out was tequila, hugs from friends and Black Milk stickers. The music rocked (old school, yay!) and the dj's put a lot of effort into making sure they included some songs suitable for the end of the world. Which never came of course. Unless it did and I was having too much fun to notice. Perhaps it did all happen and now I am wandering around in a world "of horror and chaos beyond description". I don't doubt that for a second actually. But the bright side is that all my pals are seemingly still here too. Which means we are going to have a bloody awesome time. Until 21 October that is. Apparently...

Postscript:

At the time of going to publication Mr Camping had told the Associated Press, May 21 had instead been a “spiritual” Judgment Day, which places the entire world under Christ’s judgment. He went on to tell the Associated Press that because God’s judgment and salvation were completed on Saturday, there’s no point in continuing to warn people about it, so his network will now just play Christian music and programs until the final end on Oct. 21.

Wonder if he would like a copy of the playlist from Saturday night? Bugger it, I am going to send him one. I'm probably in hell anyway...