Tequila tart: Diary of a Daisies virgin : Day one...

Flower Power Friday

09h00: Wake up with hangover. Buying extra jugs of margarita during happy hour always seems a good idea at the time.

10h00: Attempt to locate tent and other useful camping items.

12h00: Take fourth headache tablet.

12h30: Decant tequila into a baby bottle. It holds almost half a bottle of tequila. Babies drink a lot!

13h00: Go to shops for supplies. Get irritated with queues (does everyone leave work at 1pm on a Friday?)

14h30: Return home and try squash everything into one bag. Parking far from the campsite sucks. Really, it does.

15h00: Take sixth headache tablet. Migraine is threatening and messing with my packing abilities.

15h05: Give up and start packing car, with 3 bags, tent, sleeping gear and coolerbox.

15h30: Give pets a cuddle and promise to try be back by Sunday. Give them SPCA number in case.

15h45: Put in fuel. Only to have pump to run dry at R10.

16h00: Wedge a packet of ice into coolerbox after chucking half my camping kit on the ground at petrol station in an effort to locate coolerbox.

16h15: MP3 player plugged in and I am on my way!

17h30: Arrive in a cloud of dust and rattling doors at Cloof Wine Farm. There's a whole village of tents and cars in front of me. I feel like I am at Woodstock. Wahoo! Realise however that I have no weed.

18h00: Locate the Camp of Awesomeness and start the trek backwards and forwards to and from the car.

18h15: Where the hell are the porters with their trusty wheelbarrows? Have carried one load of bedding and I am exhausted.

18h20: Realise my feet are itching like mad. Daisies? What daisies? Nettles more like it. Arrrrrgh!!

18h45: Gasp! They discover my bottle of champers in my bag. They really do check thoroughly. Even dodgy knickers and holey socks don't put these guys off.

18h50: Give up trying to convince guy to let me in with champers for Canadian Friend's birthday. But it's not like I can decanter it or that champers comes in plastic bottles now is it?

18h55: Take bottle of champers back to car (thankfully they let you do that). Collect last of camping gear. Fourth trip...

19h05: Spot wheelbarrow porters..

19h30: Tent is up, have a beer to celebrate. Feet still itching...

20h00: Realise that I have missed The Arrows and Foto Na Dans. Damn!

20h15: Make my way to the main arena. Make that "start my trek to the main arena". Big festivals = long distance walks.

20h30: Head straight to the bar. No cider! What! Settle for Brutal Fruit instead. And a shot of tequila.

20h40: Join the masses at main stage for RTD All Stars. There's a man strutting around on stage sporting an afro and wearing a gold Elvis suit. Disco Dave is rocking it and I be loving it!

20h55: George van der Spuy falls over on stage for the second time. Am trying to figure out who the hot guitarist is. Must put media pass to good use and find out.

21h45: Gazelle's bass goes straight through your balls. Even if you don't have any. Discover they pretty flambouyant too, swanning around in afro-chic attire and prancing about with zebra cloaks. I like this band!

22h45: Get dragged off to Napalma by Barmy Bernie and Madcap Menno. Figure I should see something different and try not to kick and scream as I am hauled off to the Nu World Beat Ring.

22h55: The seal is broken. Dreaded portaloo time. Barmy Bernie and I join the boys queue and hoof them all out of the queue to pee around the back. Get to the loo in no time much to annoyance of girls in the other queue.

23h05: Stop at Red Stag tent and have shots of red whisky. Red sweet whisky. Uh oh, this could be the beginning of the end.

23h20: Feet aren't itching anymore. They dancing to the drumming beats of Napalma. This is not so bad actually. I feel like I am at Rio Carnival in Brazil. Start wondering if in fact I am.

23h45: Head back to main tent (stopping at Red Stag en-route for refills) to catch the end of Jack Bloody Parow. He's being quite respectable this time, no brandy and coke down his front. What??!

00h20: Hop between the Red Bull Studio, the Nu World Tent and the bar. Watch people punch each other in the boxing ring. Talk kak. Drink. Watch people fall over. Try not to fall over. As you do at a festival.

01h10: Discover potato and coriander samoosa's at the food court. OMG...

01h30: Go back for second samoosa. Am having a love affair with bits of potato and coriander wrapped in bubbly pastry.

01h45: Realise that I have in fact had enough of electro music and nu world beats and head back to camp leaving BB amd MM living it large at the Red Bull Studio.

02h00: Locate tent (wahoooo!)

02h10: Hmmm, the ground is hard. And I found my tent. Gasp, I realise I am relatively sober... I blame it on the electro beats. They beat all the alcohol outta me. No wonder people take drugs...

Next up: Sweltering Saturday

Overheard on Friday:

"The best way to get people to move out your way is to bite them."
"I totally saw Jeremy de Tolly tune George van der Spuy at the bar."
Dude one: "I really need a blowjob right now." Dude two: "I really need E right now."

Festival facts

A rocking 12 000 people stomped their way through the flowers, nettles and bars at Rocking the Daisies this year. I wonder how many Black Labels were consumed? Must find out...
100 of those people actually WALKED 60km to get there. I salute you. Don't expect me to do that next year. Or ever. Walking from my car to the camping area with bedding almost broke me.