Music ... it's complicated

I love music. Most of my entertainment revolves around it - music festivals and gigs are frequently on my social agenda. But don't really know much about it. Some people will go as far as to say that I know nothing and have horrible taste in it too (Lady Gaga does fascinating videos OK!!) And like most women who are drawn to bad boys, I also have a penchant for musicians. I know this because many of my friends have musical talent and I have had a few musician boyfriends along the way. Mostly drummers I might add. Apparently it has something to do with the fact that us chicks are drawn to drummers because it's primitive - they bang stuff. Lately though, I have noticed a trend towards guitarists, which could be rewarding as apparently they are dextrous with their fingers. This has yet to be proven, but in the meantime I thought it was time to up my groupie status and improve my musical knowledge by attending a band practice.

So on Monday night I arrived at Monster's house with a homemade cottage pie (I had to bribe my way into this sacred inner circle) and was stopped dead in my tracks at the gate. The dreadful squealing of guitars eminating from the house almost had me run home to eat potato and mince on my own. Whilst watching 30 Seconds to Mars and perving over Jared Leto, of course. Band practice indeed, they needed it alright! Thankfully during the course of the evening they improved. It could have had something to do with the fact that I was sneaking in tequila shots whilst they practiced the same song about six times.

Here are some musical observations I made that evening:

• These guys put their songs together in pieces, not all together in one room at one time. The keyboardist does her bit, then the guitar chaps do their part and then it gets recorded so the drummer can do his thing. This can all take months to achieve and once it comes back to the beginning, it is highly likely the whole piece would have been forgotten. Blame is dished out frequently.
  
  
• Lead guitarists are often very bossy. Women should note this if you are ever attracted to a lead guitarist.
  
  
• Guitarists in the band often expect the keyboardist to perform miracles. This was explained to me using food. Frequently they expect her to make butternut soup out of potatoes. I love it when people simplify things.
  
  
• It is not a base guitar, it's a bass guitar. I have caught a bass. It's a fish and it looks nothing like a guitar with four strings.
  
  
• On that note, perhaps women wanting to go for a rockstar should go for lead guitarists, not bass guitarists. One of them is dextrous with six strings and the other four. But then you may have to put up with bossiness. Perhaps find a bass guitarist that has a bass with six strings.
  
  
• Even though you don't play a guitar using your legs, if you have an injured leg it is going to hinder your playing and cause you to leave band practice early. However, the rest of the band may actually request that you leave as the smell of Deep Heat is distracting.
  
  
• Preferably be in a band where everyone smokes, or no-one smokes. Those that don't smoke are going to whine about the amount of smoke breaks being taken. Especially if the non-smoker is the lead guitarist.
  
  
• Being able to drinking copius amounts of beer or wine when in a band is prerequisite. In fact band practice is often held for the sole purpose of drinking.
  
  
• If groupies/girlfriends/boyfriends/lovers decide to attend band practice they had better be prepared to listen to the same song over and over, even if it has an acid version, an acoustic version and an unplugged one. If they ever have a gig, I will be right up there in the front when they play Opus. I know it intimately.
  
  
• As the guest, they will be determined to impress you. So you will be asked all sorts of questions about the songs. Don't say that the song sounds like a particular band, otherwise you will have to sit through their other songs that they feel do in fact sound like said band. And if you are unable to pick up the different riffs or when the other guitarist comes into the song, you could get handed an earbud to clean out your ears.
  
  
• Being a rockstar is quite hard work and requires dedication. Rockstar behaviour on the other hand also requires dedication, but is much more fun.

So that was my very first band practice night and it rocked. OK, it did get a bit boring sometimes, but then I had tequila to distract me. I was also introduced to doom metal. It was nothing like I thought it would be. Wikepedia (yes, I looked it up!) says "Both the music and the lyrics intend to evoke a sense of despair, dread, and impending doom". I quite liked it actually. Watch this space, I could yet become a "doem slet".

All in all a fun night with Monster, Rose Thorn and TDB who are a group of highly talented people. I felt a bit inadequate. But I also have my talents. I was instructed to bring my own instrument to band practice. A violin preferably. After much consideration I decided a violin was going to be difficult to acquire let alone play. So I pitched up with my favourite party instrument ... a bottle of tequila. It had four strings on it, so it counted.