The patron of Patron

I couldn't believe my luck when I was invited by Journalist Friend to the launch of Patron Silver on Thursday night. The fact that it was a Thursday night should have put me off, but considering that Thursday is the new Friday, I accepted the invite/challenge with glee. Besides, R80 a shot tequila being handed out for free is not to be scoffed at. It's to be quaffed, with gusto. And appreciation, of course.

7.10pm:
Picked up Journalist Friend. Who warned me that she wasn't keen for a late night. Why do people always say that when they going out with me?

7.20pm:
Arrive at the Penthouse Suite off Loop Street and after 3 attempts manage to park the car. I also attempted to run over the car guard.

7.25pm:
Enter the building and discover the lifts are not working. Eh?! Penthouses are on the TOP floor!! Journalist Friend most unamused as she had pulled her calf muscle and could barely stand, let alone walk up stairs. Luckily the lifts were sort of working. Between the 2nd floor and the 5th floor. Penthouse was on the 7th floor.

7.30pm
Arrive, gasping, at the venue. Dead on time. And dead early seemingly. Head to the bar.

7.40pm
Armed with our first margarita we head to the infinity pool. En-route is a bar made out of ice. With Patron emblazoned all over it. I just had to lick it. The barman pretended not to notice and Journalist Friend walked really fast to the edge of the pool and dug in her handbag.

8.15pm
By now we've taken photos of the fabulous views, swished our hands in the pool water, aaahed at Table Mountain, made rude comments about the other guests swanning around and have tried every combination of Patron there is. We start wondering where the snacks are. Canopes to be precise, which we were supposed to get upon arrival. I am of the opinion that we should have gotten a free bottle of Patron on arrival. And I let everyone know. Loudly. 

8.25pm
All the margaritas have hit my bladder and it's time to find the ladies. There was only one bathroom and it took me five minutes to figure out how to lock the door. I then realised that the loo didn't flush. One loo, lots of people, free tequila. It could spell disaster. Another five minutes to unlock the door and then I tell the ladies wafting around in white to fix the loo. I also asked if I could get a bottle of Patron as a reward for pointing out what could have been an epic posh party fail. I was firmly told that no bottles of Patron were being handed out and was ushered to the bar. 

8.45pm
Snacks have finally arrived and we sit contentedly munching mini chicken burgers. The DJ played his set and speeches were given. Still no sign or mention of goodie bags with a bottle of free tequila. Disappointing.

9.20pm
Time to have a photo taken. Journalist Friend was not so keen, so I went on my own. Margarita-infused-bravery has its merits. The photo made me look quite fabulous (good photographer) and feeling quite proud of my achievements I decided I should be in everyone else's photos as well.

9.30pm
After successfully photobombing the beautiful people's photographs, I give the bar another lick. And gave the barman one too.

9.40pm
I spot a lone bottle of Patron. The nice dark chocolatey-coffee one. All on its own and just within reach.

9.45pm
We leave the party and I smugly clutch a now much-heavier bag.

No-one invites the Tequila Tart to the launch of a tequila and gets away without giving her a bottle to take home.

Postscript:
I never made it home with the bottle. I popped in on Monster on the way home and somewhere between 10pm and 4am the bottle of Patron was emptied by a group of very appreciative people. Judging by the fact I could only go into work at lunch-time on Friday, I have a feeling I emptied most of it.