You really should start a blog they said...

... so here it is. The beginnings of many tales about my chaotic life, my insane (but fantastic) friends, my lunatic menagerie, my long-suffering colleagues and my gradual rise to stardom.

Not to mention bar brawls, attempts at stage diving, roadtripping in a seriously unroadworthy car and upsetting the neighbours.

Some topics likely to be covered at length are:

• why having a hangover in winter is better than in summer
• why going to a nightclub with a crash helmet is sometimes a good idea
• ways to get away with arriving late at work on a constant basis
  
• how to drive when your cat has escaped from the cat basket and is clutching the steering wheel
• how a can of baked beans can, in fact, last a week
• how to find your tent in the dark without a torch at an outdoor festival
  
• why hiding dirty dishes in the oven when the landlady visits is not a good idea
• how to remove soil from your bed when your puppy decides to bring the garden indoors
• finding your way to the nearest party without GPS
• what every bachelorette's fridge should contain
  
• how to successfully gatecrash a party
• how to tweet, have a shot and a cigarette all at the same time
  
• why tequila is in fact, good for you
  
  

... as well as all sorts of other silly, but apparently amusing, stuff.

In this process I am likely to lose my friends, my job and any time I thought I had to myself. And possibly disowned by my family. But perhaps I will manage to get some money from advertising, food vouchers and free drinks from barmen across the country. In no particular order of priority.

Goody, almost time to go home. Going to visit my friend in hospital and try figure out how to siphon the morphine from her drip without getting caught by the nursing staff. After that I am off to dinner being held by a previous party partner who has just got out of rehab. Go figure ...